Date: September 15, 2008
Vol. XII, No. 18

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

COMMENTARY: WAIT FOR THE DETAILS 

The industry continues to debate the value of the next summer's CHA consumer show in Orlando. My advice is: stop arguing. I have long been in favor of the concept of a consumer show, but the devil is in the details. The CHA staff is still negotiating specifics with the Orlando Convention Center so we don't have all of the details to make an intelligent decision. Once we do – and we should have them next month at the latest – then the debate can resume.

Then the success or failure of the show will depend on us. Below you'll find an article by Rob Bostick of Judikins on his plans for the show. If all of the vendors support the show in a similar fashion, it could be a huge benefit to the entire industry.

Designing Perspectives. What has happened to creativity? Industry pro Margot Potter walks some of our larger stores and doesn't like what she has seen. She raises thought-provoking issues about chain stores educating and inspiring consumers or failing to do so.

Business-Wise. "What's Happened to Our Trade Magazines" was written after the demise of CNA and most recently, the hard-copy version of Craftrends. It seems particularly appropriate now with the announcement about Scrapbook Retailer (see below).

Scene & Heard. A report on the recent annual conference of the American Sewing Guild, which had a record-breaking attendance.

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Are you reading hard-copy media (magazines, newspapers, novels/non-fiction, and instruction books) more or less than you used to? Which do you prefer? To vote, click on Industry Polls in the right-hand column or click HERE.

Here's another example of how the Internet is changing people's reading habits. The vast majority of CLN readers, a whopping 86.8%, read the issues online. Only 1.9% split their reading between online and a hard copy, and 11.3% print CLN issues before reading them. One subscriber emailed, "I read online and frequently save the Printer Friendly version for future reference."

When CLN was launched 11 years ago, approximately 95% of the subscribers received the issues via fax, because they either didn't have an Internet connection or were not comfortable using it to access information.

A.C. MOORE: SALES, LOSSES RISE

Sales for the second quarter ended June 30 rose 1.6% to $126.4 million, but same-store sales fell 4.8%. There was a net loss of  $4.3 million ($0.21/share), compared with a net loss of $0.6 million ($0.03) a year ago. Second quarter 2008 results include charges related to the non-cash fixed asset impairment of $0.07/share and store closing costs of $0.02. Second quarter 2007 results include a charge of $0.03 related to a one-time legal settlement.

Sales for the six months were $253.0 million, down 2.6%, and same-store sales fell 8.4%. The net loss was $6.0 million ($0.30) versus a net loss of $0.2 million ($0.01) a year ago.

CEO Rick A. Lepley stated, "During the quarter we continued work at the store and corporate level on improving our overall execution and installing state-of-the-art information systems. We remain focused on the areas that will have a favorable long-term impact on our company."

A.C. Moore also launched a new customer loyalty program, for consumers 13+ years old. Members receive a $10 Reward Certificate each time they reach 200 points. Points are awarded at the rate of 1 point per $1 purchased, and double points for purchases of $100 or more. The program's website: www.acmoorerewards.com allows members to track their points and view special promotions and offers.

F+W Publications announced it would cease publication of Scrapbook Retailer with the Dec./Jan. issue. Editor Beth Mauro will remain with the company in another position. SR is the third hard-copy industry trade magazine to fail in the past two years, following CNA and Craftrends.

Two Peas in a Bucket has been sold again. Two Peas founders Jeffrey White and Kristina Nicolai-White sold the online entity, probably the most popular online scrapbook site, to Kaboose, a Canadian media company, in mid 2006 for a reported $600,000 plus future considerations. Kaboose has now sold Two Peas to Leisure Arts for an undetermined sum. Leisure Arts itself had been sold in early 2007 by Time Warner to Liberty Media.

"We hope that everyone will join in our excitement of this new venture. Leisure Arts understands crafters – the dedication, emotions and needs that crafters have," said Kristina Nicolai-White who had remained with Two Peas. "This signifies to us that they will understand Two Peas and its loyal customers. Securing the relationship with Leisure Arts and Liberty Media puts Two Peas on a significant growth path for many years to come. We know that this partnership will open many new channels and opportunities for all of our customers."

"This acquisition will significantly strengthen Leisure Arts' portfolio of scrapbooking supplies," said Tom Siebenmorgen, CEO of Leisure Arts. "We welcome Two Peas in a Bucket to the Leisure Arts family and are excited to offer our customers an exciting line of scrapbooking products."

The Two Peas staff and founders will continue to operate out of Madison, WI. with the staff and talent they currently possess. "We're very excited about the synergy between our companies," said Two Peas General Manager Jeffrey White. "Working with Leisure Arts will allow us to continue providing excellent service to our customers and to vastly improve the user experience on the Two Peas website."

Scrapbook Update's Nancy Nally commented, "Crafts publisher Leisure Arts has until now not really made a splash in the scrapbooking market. It will be interesting to see what their plans are to leverage the Two Peas audience from a marketing standpoint. It is also nice to see Two Peas back under the umbrella of a company with a better understanding of the crafts industry than Kaboose seemed to exhibit during their tenure."

After 61 years in business, Zim's is closing. The two stores in Utah will shut their doors on Nov. 1. The company was founded by Eleanor Zimmerman and her late husband, Cliff, and later has been led by their son, Craig.

Craig told ABC4, a Utah television station, "Everything comes to an end sometime. Unfortunately, we don't feel the environment for the craft industry as we have participated in it is healthy enough for us to want to continue."

"This news is being met with both shock and sadness," tv reporter Chris Vanocur said. "For 61 years, Zim’s has been part of countless weddings, birthdays, and Christmas celebrations. But now, two stores and a big chapter of Utah history are going away."

A big chapter in craft industry history has, too.

E-retailers say they are being forced to raise prices by manufacturers

A big reason why online retailers have taken market share from stores is that web merchants have lower overhead and can offer lower prices. At least one retail chain is fighting back by pressuring manufacturers to insist that e-retailers not sell below the manufacturer’s suggested retail prices, according to a lawsuit by e-retailers BabyAge.com and BabyCatalog.com.

The suit alleges that the Babies ‘R’ Us unit of Toys ‘R’ Us has threatened to discontinue buying from baby products manufacturers that do not impose minimum pricing rules on Internet retailers. BabyAge.com became aware that Babies ‘R’ Us was applying such pressure as early as 2003, and it intensified after the U.S. Supreme Court issued its Leegin decision last year in favor of minimum-pricing rules in some cases.

“Before Leegin there were a dozen manufacturers that agreed with Babies ‘R’ Us to do this,” says Jack Kiefer, CEO, of BabyAge.com. “After Leegin there are a hundred or so.” Kiefer says his company has lost tens of millions of dollars worth of sales because of high-end items like baby strollers and car seats that it can no longer sell because the manufacturers are insisting on minimum prices.

Among the manufacturers that have cut off BabyAge.com is Medela Inc., a manufacturer of breast pumps. While BabyAge.com used to sell the Medela Pump In Style breast pump for $209.99, it’s now selling across the Internet at $279.99. “Nobody is selling it below that because that’s mandated,” says Jacob Weiss, president of BabyAge.com. Medela, one of several baby products manufacturers being sued along with Toys ‘R’ Us, did not immediately respond to a request for comment. Toys ‘R’ Us said it would not comment on pending litigation.

In arguing for a dismissal of the BabyAge.com suit, the defendants in the case said the Leegin decision “revolutionizes the law of vertical resale price maintenance.” They contend that the court in that decision found minimum pricing rules can in some cases provide consumers greater choice by ensuring the survival of retailers that provide higher levels of service in exchange for charging higher prices. Otherwise, such retailers might be driven out of business by discount retailers that charge low prices and provide little service, the court reasoned.

That motion to dismiss was rejected in May by U.S. District Court Judge Anita B. Brody of the eastern district of Pennsylvania. A consumer suit against minimum pricing has been added to the BabyAge.com suit, and the judge is considering a request that it be made into a class action suit. A trial could take place in about a year, Weiss says.

BabyAge.com is No. 296 in the Internet Retailer Top 500 Guide. Keifer’s audio-visual presentation at IRCE 2008 is available on CD-ROM.

Back... Maria Nerius wrote a lovely tribute to the Zimmerman family. Read it at http://craftrends.com/back-issues in the September entry.

Craftgate.com also reported on the closures and what the closures signify for the industry. Visit www.craftgate.com.

1. The company opened its 1,000th store yesterday in San Antonio. "This important milestone comes at a time when we are actively evolving our business to reflect our customers' needs," said CEO Brian Cornell. "The 1,000th store celebration marks not only how far we've come as a company, but how we are continuing to improve as we expand past the one-thousand-store mark."

2. Michaels issued a corrected second-quarter earnings report that increased its loss to $30 million from $25 million. The change reflected a reduction in the company's income tax benefits. The original report was described in the 9/1 edition of CLN. (Click on CLN Archives in the right-hand column.)

3. As of CLN's deadline, Michaels was unveiling a new logo and tagline ("Where Creativity Happens") in conjunction with the 1,000th store.

4. "We have done extensive consumer research that tells us our customers are looking to us for more creative inspiration than ever before," said Stuart Aitken, Chief Marketing Officer in a press release. "We are looking at every department and every aisle to see how we can provide our customers with what they've told us they want." (Comment: Consumer research is expensive, so here are suggestions for all of the industry's stores, free of charge: 1. Have more made-ups to give consumers ideas how to use the rack after rack of store inventory. 2. Invest in employee training so they can better answer customers' questions.)

5. Lion Brand Yarn will sponsor a yarn contest at Michaels stores beginning Oct. 12 where the grand prize will be $1,000 and an all-expense paid trip to Los Angeles to meet Vanna White and be part of the audience of Wheel of Fortune. The contest ends on Feb.1. The four categories are afghan, baby, sweater, and craft. Details and contest rules will be at a special website, www.vannaschoice.com, which goes live on Oct. 10. On Oct. 20 Vanna, a Lion spokesperson for 14+ years, will make an appearance at a Michaels store in Long Beach, CA to promote her yarn, Vanna's Choice.

Back to school is the second largest season of the year for retailers, but this time there were few winners. Bloomberg News said it may have been the worst back-to-school season in seven years. The Int. Council of Shopping Centers' survey of 36 chains said August same-store sales rose 1.7%, below its expectations and the worst showing since March. It appears shoppers are moving down the retail ladder, from Nordstrom's to J.C. Penney to Wal-Mart to dollar stores.

Wal-Mart and Costo were among the handful of winners. Wal-Mart's same-store sales rose 3.0%, exceeding analysts' estimates who had predicted a 1-2% increase.

A sampling of same-store sales reports: BJ's Wholesale Clubs, +15.4% ... Aerospostale, +13% ... Costo, +9.0% ... Family Dollar, +3.5% ... Ross, +3.0% ... Target, -2.1% ... J.C. Penney, -4.9% ... American Eagle, -5.0% ... Saks, -5.9% ... Pacific Sunwear, -6.0% ... Dillards, -7.9% ... Nordstrom, -7.9% ... Gap, -8.0%. ... Wet Seal, -8.7% ... Stein Mart, -9.9% ... Abercrombie & Fitch, -11.0% ... Limited Brands (Victoria's Secret), -7.0%.

Among the chains that do not report monthly sales figures are Michaels, A.C. Moore, Jo-Ann, Sears/Kmart, Macy's, Big Lots, and Dollar Tree.

Graphic designer Andrea Grossman, who founded Mrs. Grossman's Stickers almost 30 years ago, is stepping down as President and promoted her son Jason who had been Vice President, as her successor. Jason began working for his mother when he was 12 and was her only employee; today the company has 90 employees.

Jason bought the company's first printing press in 1993; the company now has seven Flexographic presses that produce almost 15,000 miles of stickers a year, and Jason's acquisition of a HP Digital Press has added a new dimension to the company's production capabilities.

Jason also spearheaded sticker factory tours that attract 30,000+ visitors a year, and launched a new division, Paragon Label, a successful wine and food label printing business.

Crafters Home, the leading organization for independent scrapbook retailers, announced the appointment of 11 store owners to its Advisory Committee. The Committee is routinely asked to assist with critical decision making, such as the evaluation of marketing proposals, exclusive products and classes, and the addition or removal of Crafters Home Preferred Vendor Partners. Many Preferred Vendor Partners also use the Committee to assist with product development ideas or to critique potential new releases in advance of production. The Committee:

Shelly & Bud Izen, Scrapbook Fever, Salem, OR ... Melissa Goodman, ScrapHappy’s, Tulsa, OK ... Courtney Glazer, Scrapbook Market, Tallahassee, FL ... Nancy Kraus, Timeless Treasures, Rancho Santa Margarita, CA ... Sherri Zlomke, ScrapMania, Hagerstown, MD ... Cameron & Carolyn Elliott, The Scrapbook Page, Shawnee, KS ... Cass Jones, Paper Tales, East Point, MI ... Kate Farricker, Absolutely Everything, Topsfield, MA ... Cathy Smith, Simple Pleasures, Colorado Springs, CO ... Amy Shepherd, Scrapbook Super Station, Butler, PA ... Kay Parries, K & Krafts, Moorhead, MN.

Crafters Home is designed to help members become more profitable through special educational and buying programs and joint marketing efforts. The association works in partnership with a select group of manufacturers. For more, visit www.craftershome.com or call Shane Cullimore or Lisa Kanak at 800-657-7270.

CLN has continued to wonder if the apparent decline in scrapbooking is simply a sign of the recession, and the category will rebound when the economy does, or is consumer interest waning? Nancy Nally, who operates the highly informative site, Scrapbook Update, said, "There is no question in my mind that scrapbooking is on a decline as a crafts segment, and knitting is where it is at now for the trendy craft consumer. This has nothing to do with the economy, and people in the industry need to realize this for the health of their businesses.

"Things will not rebound back to the previous levels if they just wait out the recession. Their sole marketing efforts shouldn't be built around the dedicated hobbyist watching her wallet in tough times. Their marketing also needs to be targeted at generating new customers, long-term. Why? Because customers are leaving scrapbooking in droves and new ones are NOT replacing them.

"I believe scrapbooking may rebound some after the current economic downturn ends and consumer spending increases some," Nancy added, "but expecting it to return to its previous stratospheric levels is highly unrealistic."

Nancy has written about the subject on her site, www.scrapbookupdate.com, most recently citing lack of scrapbook titles on the Amazon's "Craft & Hobby" bestseller list – only 14 in the top 1,000.

(Note: Is Nancy correct? Or will scrapbook sales pick up when the economy recovers? Email your thoughts to CLN at mike@clnonline.com.)

So, if Nancy (see above) is correct, stores must entice newcomers to try scrapbooking rather than simply "hunker down" and wait out the recession. But how, unless you have a huge ad budget, can you do that? Here are a few suggestions:

1. Most maternity wards give a "goody bag" to mothers when they leave the hospital with their newborns, and since a new baby is a major reason why consumers start scrapping, see if you can have a store coupon included in the goody bag.

2. Scrapbook 911 in San Antonio allows local Weight Watcher groups to meet in the store's crop room on evenings when the store does not have a crop or a class scheduled.

3. Work with your local Alzheimer's association. Photographs can have a remarkable effect on patients.

4. Develop a power-point presentation on scrapbooking; then call every church and civic group in your area and volunteer to be a guest speaker.

(Note: What other inexpensive ways are there to entice consumers to try scrapbooking? Tell CLN and we'll share them. Email your ideas to CLN at mike@clnonline.com. For more ideas, read Kizer and Bender's articles that have appeared in Craftrends. They are archived at www.kizerandbender.com/articles.html.)

(Note: Rob Bostick of Judikins submitted this suggestion on how vendors can sell at next year's CHA consumer show in Orlando and help retailers at the same time.)

Selling to independents is our company's main business. While the volume of product flowing through the chain stores is large, our industry would not exist without the independents. They create the trends, and to be honest, they give CHA its raison d'etre.

The chain stores are in favor of a consumer show (even though they, too, have local stores in Orlando). They know how much media attention and free public relations it would generate for our industry.

Some independents are against a consumer show. The two biggest complaints I hear are 1) their customers will learn about new products before they do, and 2) sales at the show will take away sales from their stores.

So do we ban selling at the consumer show? We could, but then our only option to get consumers excited enough to travel to Orlando (and get the PR our industry badly needs) would be to show them our latest products and techniques, which I do not want to do.

I was thinking about how to partner with the local retailers when I realized the only customers the independent stores are worried about are the ones that shop in their store. That is, if your store is in Pittsburgh, a crafter from Los Angeles who travels to shop in Orlando would not impact your sales.

That's when I came up with my idea.

Each store creates a coupon (see template below) and gives it to their customers who are attending the Orlando consumer show. Call it your "I Want to Support My Local Store Coupon." It would be printed with the store's name, contact info, and a place for a dollar amount to be written in. Customers shopping in my booth at the show give me the coupon with their payment. On it I will record the dollar amount your customer spends in my booth (less the local sales tax). After the show I will total the coupons that I receive from your customers and credit your store with 20% toward your 2009 wholesale purchases.

I've owned stores. Up until the late 90's we ran four stamp stores. For every $10 in sales we were lucky after paying for product, payroll, rent, utilities, taxes, etc., if we took home $1. This credit could potentially be twice the net profit you would pocket by selling our products in your store.

Also, we will not bring brand new products to the consumer show. If you attend the trade show, you will be shown what is on our drawing board, but these products will not be for sale during the consumer show. My goal for this show is not to sell stamps to stampers but to create new customers for stamps.

Please tell your customers this is not a discount coupon. All our products will be sold at their suggested retail prices. That’s right, I will not sell below my MSRP. If your store offers a discount, remind your customers that they can buy the same products for less in your store.

Unlike all the other countries where I have participated as a vendor, the U.S. is the only country that does not have a consumer craft show open to all crafts. This show would expose crafters to the full depth and breadth of our industry's products our industry, entice them to try more of them, and grow the industry for all of us.

I'm writing this so everyone can pick it apart. If my idea holds up, it could become a model for others.

A lesson for retailers from Eleanor Zimmerman, co-founder of Zim's and one of the industry's genuine pioneers: Years ago I was editor of Profitable Craft Merchandising, a predecessor of Craftrends. Just about every month, Zim's full-page ad would be a how-to project. One day I asked Eleanor how she picked the projects for the ads.

She smiled and said she'd go into the warehouse and ask the staff which products weren't selling well. She'd take some of them, make up a project, advertise it, and voila, sales improved.

In other words, if you have some slow sellers, create new made-ups with them. Unless you made some awful buying decisions, showing customers new ways to use the products should cause sales to improve.

FOR SALE, I. Domestically manufactured line of unique, wood-based craft shapes. National distribution in nearly 1,000 chain store locations. Annual volume, $50K- $60K. Well-sorted manufacturing process – inventory and equipment – can easily be relocated. For more info, in confidence, call or email Mike Hartnett: 309-925-5593, mike@clnonline.com.

FOR SALE, II. Activity kits including Color Your Own T-Shirts and Color Your Own Posters. Many original designs including: science, nature, fun, fine art, etc. Educational and fun line with solid potential, to be carried in museum, toy, specialty, and chain stores. Email mn@thejnet.com for detailed info.

CHANGING TIMES. The U.S. will station as many as 15 inspectors in three Chinese cities, Beijing, Shanghai, and Guangzhou, to check exports, Bloomberg News reported.

CRICUT. Craft Edge released the new software that the company claims eliminates the need for consumers to buy additional Cricut cartridges. Mike Dolan of Scrapbook 911 told CLN, "One of my customers bought it and what it does is turn the Cricut into a Wishblade." Visit www.craftedge.com/products/products.html.... Provo released the Cricut Create(TM) personal cutting machine which combines the portability of the original Cricut with many features of the Cricut Expression(R). It's available exclusively at Michaels stores nationwide through the end of 2008, then will debut in other stores in January.

MAGAZINES. A new quarterly magazine, Anna, will premier in mid-October, with "projects in cross-stitch, embroidery, knitting, crochet, home sewing, quilting and a sampling of other innovative techniques and crafts." The publication is a joint venture with the European publishing giant, Hubert Burda Media and U.S.-based Vikant Publishing. The two companies had launched Verena Knitting in the U.S. earlier this year. Industry pro Valerie Kurita is the editor. Visit www.annacrafts.com.

ONLINE. Jo-Ann had about $8 million in Internet sales in the second quarter, about 2% of its total sales, Internet Retailer reported. The website is www.joann.com. The company had not disclosed online sales the previous year, so it is unknown if the $8 million represented an increase or decrease.

PEOPLE. Spellbinders named Tobianne Hall, formerly of Xyron, Director of Strategic Development.

MEMORY. Antioch Publishing/Creative Memories is moving its headquarters from Yellow Springs, OH to St. Cloud, MN with the retirement of Lee and Vicki Morgan who had served as President/CEO and Sr. Exec Director respectively, Yellow Springs News reported. The company is now Creative Memories and the President/CEO is Asha Morgan Moran. Sales have declined from $350 million to $250 million in the past five years, the News reported. To read the complete article, visit www.ysnews.com/stories/2008/09/090408_antiochcompany.html

RECOMMENDED READING. To learn more about copyright law and ethics and how they apply to beadwork and other forms of industry-related endeavors, visit www.interweave.com/bead/beading_resources.asp, then scroll down to Copyright and Ethics.

BOOKS. Laura Childs has published another mystery, Death Swatch, starring a New Orleans scrapbook store owner and includes scrapbook and stamp tips, and even recipes.

SCAMS. (From the vendor/author about the scam that appeared to be an order from an overseas retailer) "It’s becoming more prevalent and I am now getting 2 – 4 'offers' a day, every day. It’s spreading, and becoming increasingly difficult to separate from legitimate orders. The only reason a scam perpetuates is if it works – I am guessing this one’s working very well and a lot of merchants are getting taken."

STOCKS. A.C. Moore: $7.92, up $0.38 ... Hancock, $1.75, up $0.30 ... Jo-Ann: $25.62, up $0.65 ... Wal-Mart: $62.41, up $3.34 ... Dow Jones: 11,421.99, down 1.1%. (Note: All changes in price are since 9/12 and are exclusive of dividends.)

DATA. The Labor Department reported the U.S. unemployment rate has reached 6.1%, the highest in five years; employment in the retail sector lost 20,000 jobs in August. ... The "misery index" – a combination of the unemployment and inflation rates – hit 11.7%, the worst level since May 1991. ... More consumers are clipping coupons because of the economic downturn. One survey found that 72% of respondents were using more coupons than they did just six months ago, Brandweek reported.

RETAIL SALES. The Commerce Department reported August retail sales dropped 0.3%; economists had expected sales to rise by 0.3%, the Associated Press reported. Sales in July also turned out to be even weaker than previously thought, falling 0.5%, the worst showing in five months.

STATS. Data tracking company ShopperTrak predicted holiday retail sales will slip to a 2.5-3.0% increase from 4.5% a year ago, Reuters reported. The company also reported that traffic in shopping malls is down 3.7% this year but when consumers do visit malls, they stay longer – shopping in 1.4% more stores. ... Retailers must think it will be a tough Christmas, too. Cargo volume at U.S. major retail container ports is expected to drop 6% in 2008 compared with 2007, according to the latest Port Tracker report.

ECONOMY. One place where the recession may be helping the industry is DIY weddings. From the Fort Wayne (IN) Journal Gazette: "Hobby Lobby has noticed an increase in popularity in its DIY wedding supplies over the past few months," manager Steve Rubin said, "especially in floral arrangements. The blank invitations are also a popular item that allows the couple to print invitations on their computer."

STORES. The Lansing (MI) State Journal reported on the increase in sales by independent stores in smaller towns as gas-conscious consumers reduce their trips to regional shopping centers. The article cited Michael Hicks, Associate Professor of economics at Ball State U. whose research indicates local stores had a smaller drop in sales than more urban areas such as Indianapolis. "Rural retail centers are likely to see a lot more traffic as consumers are not willing to make the long commute to the big city," Hicks said.

CLOSING. The Toledo (OH) Blade reported on the pending closing of Magical Memories, the last independent scrapbook store in the Toledo area. Four other independent memory shops have closed in the last four years. Owner Mary Miller said, "There are a lot of little things that turned into one big thing that made business go slow. It's still an area with a lot of scrapbookers, but the hobby stores play a role in it. We can't discount product like they can."

To read the latest listings by the only personnel recruitment firm specializing in our industry, click on Jobs in the left-hand column or click HERE.

(Note: This is for all the ex-teachers in the industry.)

This is the message that reportedly a California high school staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework. The outgoing message:

"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection: To lie about why your child is absent, Press 1. To make excuses for why your child did not do his work, Press 2. To complain about what we do, Press 3. To swear at staff members, Press 4. To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you, Press 5. If you want us to raise your child, Press 6. If you want to reach out and touch, slap, or hit someone, Press 7. To request another teacher, for the third time this year, Press 8. To complain about bus transportation, Press 9. To complain about school lunches, Press 0.

"If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework, and that it's not the teacher's fault for your child's lack of effort, hang up and have a nice day!"

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