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Typos that allegedly appeared in church
bulletins or were announced in church services.
Emailed from a subscriber (September 5, 2005)
(Note: Are these real? Who knows, but they're funny....)
1. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
2. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the
Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
3. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday
at 8 pm in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ
4. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to
get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't
forget your husbands.
5. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been
canceled due to a conflict.
6. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say
"Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
7. Don't let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
8. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way
again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
9. For those of you who have children and don't know it,
we have a nursery downstairs.
10. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.
11. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors
for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and
requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
12. The Rector will preach his farewell message after
which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
13. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on
October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their
14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the
church hall. Music will follow.
15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will
be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir
16. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the
addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some
17. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other
items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
18. Please place your donation in the envelope along with
the deceased person you want remembered.
19. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment, and gracious hostility.
20. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 pm – prayer and
medication to follow.
21. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of
every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
22. This evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn singing in
the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared
23. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10
am. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the
B. S. is done.
24. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake
breakfast next Sunday.
25. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7
PM. Please use the back door.
26. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet
in the Church basement Friday at 7 pm. The congregation is invited
to attend this tragedy.
27. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side
28. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new
tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge – Up
(Note: To read previous entries in Kate's Collage, click
on the titles in the right-hand column.)