The Solution to Mexican Drug Cartels

A sure-fire way to inspire them to quit.

by “Vinny Da Vendor” (November 1, 2010)

The drug violence in Mexico is horrific, and inching ever closer to the U.S. Fortunately, CLN’s own Vinny has a solution to drive the cartels out of the drug business, without the U.S. increasing its law enforcement agencies and prisons: Vinny’s solution:

First, ya gotta legalize da drugs. Second, you gotta give the license to sell drugs to da chain stores. Then the cartels will be dealing with with things like this:

“You need to buy a $10,000 computer that can talk to our computer.”

“We’re going to need an extra 3% ad allowance.”

“And an extra 2% markdown allowance.”

“And a 1% defective goods allowance.”

“And agree to take a RTV (Return To Vendor) if anything doesn’t sell to our liking.”

“We need the UPC label on the package. You’ll have to reprint your labels.”

“Now we decided we want each label in four languages. You’ll have to reprint the labels again.”

“Here are 27 pages of how to ship to us. If you don’t follow all of the rules exactly, we’ll fine you.”

“That endcap special we did with you didn’t work as well as we’d hoped, so we’ll have to take $10,000 in markdown money.”

“If you want more shelf space, you’ll have to pay us for all the products already there.”

“We’re changing the payment terms. Instead of net 45 days off invoice, now it’s 60 days after delivery.”

“This new product of yours looks great, but we’re not changing the department for another nine months. Show it to me then.”

“Another cartel underbid you by 7% and agreed to put the same product in the same format under our own private label. If you don’t match or beat it, we’ll have to switch vendors.”

“Oh, did I forget to tell you? We’re going direct. Thanks for your cooperation.”

End result? The cartels will give up. These cartels think they’re so tough. Ha! They ain’t seen nuttin’ yet.